Month: January 2016

3 Reasons Why Men Lack Sexual Integrity

The number one question I receive from a wife or girlfriend of a sex addict is “why did he do this to me?”. Women are baffled that men who claim they are in love can engage in sexual activity that demonstrates little regard for the them or the relationship.  man-in-dark[1]

So why do men lack sexual integrity. Is it simply that they are pigs? Are they completely self-absorbed and self-centered individuals who think only of their own gratification and needs? In some cases, that is definitely true. There are many men who were raised in environments in which they developed a sense of entitlement and focus mostly on the fulfillment of their own needs and desires. But not all men who suffer from sexual integrity issues can be lumped into this category. Continue reading “3 Reasons Why Men Lack Sexual Integrity”

Hello My Name is…

What identifies you? Is it your job? Is it the college you went to? Is it your status in the community or church? Or perhaps it is something from your past. Maybe it’s an abusive experience that you replay in your mind again and again. imagesC1X298BJ

These tragic memories never seem to fade away but instead continue to haunt you until they become part of your internal fabric that you wear every day. Or perhaps it’s a series of lies you have come to believe that are part of your identity. Lies such as: “I’m not that smart.” “I’m not attractive.” “I am unlovable.” “I am worthless.” “People never like me.” Continue reading “Hello My Name is…”

Stop Living in Sexual Darkness

Can you recall as a child being afraid of the dark? If you were one of those unlucky kids you can remember how frightening it felt when the lights went out and you tried to focus on going to sleep. But sleep was the farthest thing from your mind. Instead you were filled with thoughts of evil creatures and bad people that you thought were lurking around your room.   man-in-dark[1] Continue reading “Stop Living in Sexual Darkness”

Enslaved to Sexual Sin or Enslaved to God?

Jack sat in my office crying. His 3-year marriage was falling apart as his wife threatened to file for divorce due to his continuous pornography addiction.  “I can’t believe I am so close to losing the woman I love,” he told me. “But trying to stop looking at pornography is so difficult. I have no control over it.”  handcuffs-921290_1920
Jack was correct in recognizing that breaking an addiction to pornography is not easy. However, it was incorrect when he said “I have no control over it”. Each time Jack views pornography he makes a decision to remain enslaved to sin. He decides his need for self-centered pleasure is more important than his relationship with his wife or God.
For Jack to win his battle against pornography he needs to make a radical decision to stop being enslaved to sin and instead become enslaved to God. Continue reading “Enslaved to Sexual Sin or Enslaved to God?”

Your Porn Addiction Hurt Others

One of the most frequent comments I hear from a man who is suffering a sexual addiction is “I didn’t think I was hurting anyone”. Unfortunately, they could not be farther from the truth with their thinking.  woman-1006100_1280

Your sexual addiction not only hinders your ability to engage in healthy, emotional connection with your spouse or partner, but it also impacts others who you may never have considered.

Do you think your porn addiction has a negatively impacts the women who you are visually lusting after? It does. How? Because the women engaging in those activities are broken. Many are forced into this life. Others do it out of desperation. And still others believe they are worthless and their what they do with their bodies simply doesn’t manner anymore. Continue reading “Your Porn Addiction Hurt Others”

What are you Sowing?

Charlie got caught. And that is why he sits on my couch trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces of his life that he discarded through his selfish actions. The husband of 13 years and father of two had been carrying on a four-year affair with a co-worker. Several days ago, the co-worker’s husband found out and told Charlie’s wife. She has since kicked him out of the house and has retained a attorney to begin divorce proceedings.   alone-62253_1280

As you can imagine, Charlie is sadden and afraid. He doesn’t want to lose his wife. He doesn’t want to be a part-time father. He doesn’t want to live alone. But what Charlie is facing are the pending consequences of his actions. Continue reading “What are you Sowing?”

Radio Interview: Developing Sexual Integrity

Below is a link to an interview I did with Attitudes of Sexual Integrity podcast. The interview focuses on how sexual addictions development and steps to take to change a man’s heart. You can skip by the first 4 minutes of so, which is simply introduction before the interview begins. I hope this information is a first step in getting you closer to living with sexual integrity. podcast interview on developing sexual integrity