Category: women and pornography

3 Messages You Send Her When You Watch Porn

“I don’t know what you are so upset about. Every guy watches porn. It’s no big deal so why don’t you just leave it alone.”

I am blown away by the number of men I meet in my counseling practice who have uttered those words to their wives to justify their pornography addiction. In fact, many men believe watching pornography is as harmless as watching football. In their minds, since “every guy watches porn,” then it’s a harmless activity.

But they’re wrong.

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Viewing pornography is far from harmless, especially to the emotional well-being of our wives. When we watch porn, we are sending extremely hurtful messages to our spouses.

While we may not intend to communicate self-worth eroding messages, nevertheless these messages are coming through loud and clear. Here are three of them.

Continue reading “3 Messages You Send Her When You Watch Porn”

4 Reasons Why Women Are Not Sex Objects

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of objectifying is as follows:  “to treat (someone) as an object rather than as a person” Now think for a moment if people started looking, referring, and treating you like an “object”? How do you believe you would feel? Insulted? Demeaned? Dishonored? Befouled? Humiliated? Tarnished?

How about outright pissed? You know you would be! So why then is it considered cool or even natural for us men to look upon women as playthings created simply for our own gratification? This type of behavior rings with an air of superiority, which we have no right to claim.couple-913236_640

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28,

There is no mistaking that men and women are different. However, they also are seen as equal in God’s eyes. And if the Creator sees them that way, then how can we not? There are many reasons why women are not sex objects and should not be treated as such. Let’s take a look at four. Continue reading “4 Reasons Why Women Are Not Sex Objects”

Should a Woman Ignore Her Man’s Porn Use?

During a recent marriage counseling session, a young wife said this to me after I discovered the husband enjoyed viewing pornography.
“I don’t see the big deal,” said Candy. “I think it’s something all men do. Besides, that’s not the reason we’re here. As we said earlier, we are having troubling connecting and I feel he is being very distant.” Breaking Heart
Candy, like many other women, buy into the myth that there is nothing they can do to stop their husbands from watching pornography. They have been conditioned to believe that watching porn is as natural to men as leaving the toilet seat up. Continue reading “Should a Woman Ignore Her Man’s Porn Use?”

Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?

This is a great question and our author Kristen Clark does an excellent job answering it in an articled that appeared on the Covenant Eyes website. Pornography addiction is the result of deeply-rooted emotion issue(s) and/or trauma that have not been resolved. Entering into a relationship with a man that you know struggles with pornography is setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache until the day comes when he elects to get help (if that day comes).     Continue reading “Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?”

Porn Thrives in the Dark

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

Do you have a secret? If so, you have come to understand the best way to keep it a secret is to guard it. You must keep it out of sight from others so that no one ever discovers it. And what better place to keep it hidden than in the dark. 

Black silhouette of teenager sitting at the computer on blue bacThe dark is a wonder place for secrets because it’s difficult for people to see through darkness. Jesus knew this. 

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-20 

Pornography addicts hate the light because it’s impossible to act out when being exposed. They need the dark in order for their secret to remain hidden. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can manifest itself and become deeper and more intense. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can thrive and work to destroy the addict’s mind as well as relationships.

One of the first steps necessary to recovery is admitting we have a problem. And that requires taking our addiction out of the dark and exposing it to the light. You hate reading that don’t you? Come on admit it.

But if you want to be free of this 10-ton weight you are carrying you must expose it. We do that by finding a trusting friend or accountability partner. We join a support group in which we are surrounded by like-minded men who understand the struggles. We admit our sins to our wife or partner and ask for their support as we tackle what could be the biggest challenge we have ever faced.

Let’s go back to Jesus as he continues discussing the need to bring sin into the light. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” John 3:21 NLT

Doing what God wants. How different is that then simply indulging in our own selfish pleasures? Doing what God wants. Come out of the dark with your pornography addiction and start on the road of recovery today.

 

 

 

 

Couples and Porn Don’t Mix

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

An article in the popular magazine Women’s Health outlined three reasons why couples should watch pornography together. Obviously, the writers and editors of Women’s Health don’t have a lot of experience in seeing how couples who watch pornography together can quickly see the erosion of their relationships.  

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Photo by Dreamstime.com

Carla and Jonah started counseling after she found sexually-graphic text messages that he had been sending to women he met in chat rooms. He would later confess to her that he had been having online sexual encounters with three different women in which he would masturbate while reading the erotic text they exchanged back and forward.  Continue reading “Couples and Porn Don’t Mix”

Shutting the Porn Window

A window of opportunity is a limited time period that allows us to engage in an opportunity or activity that is not available to us 24-7. Windows of opportunities come up often in the business world where executives must make snap decisions to engage or walk away from prospective deals.  open-window

Windows of opportunity also play themselves out with sexual addiction, primarily with the use of pornography and masturbation. Addicts are always looking for what I term “an open window” where they can act out without being caught. Continue reading “Shutting the Porn Window”

Sacrifice Lust for Lent

The Lent season is upon us and it’s time to prepare for Easter. In preparation of this celebration, many of us will attempt to sacrifice something during the 40 day Lent season. Why? Because Lent is a time to recognize we have distanced ourselves from God and through prayer and fasting we seek repentance. It also allows us to re-focus on heart and mind on Him to help better understand His Will. 40daysLent2015

“Giving something up” for Lent is a form of fasting. According to an article in the Washington Post, in 2015 the most popular Lent sacrifices were: Twittering, swearing, smoking, and chocolate. In 2016, I am suggesting something a little more radical for men who struggle in lust.  

Starting on Wednesday, Feb. 10 for the next 40 days consider embarking on a lust-free fast. What would a lust-free fast look like? It would be refraining from not only viewing pornography and masturbation but also R-rated movies; television programs that consist of heavy doses of sexual references; random Internet surfacing that can lead to pop-ups and display ads that contain sexual imagery. It also means not fantasizing about pornographic images when having sexual relations with your wife. It is about controlling your eyes and turning away when you see a woman who you feel compelled to lust after in your thoughts.  Continue reading “Sacrifice Lust for Lent”

Women Also Struggle with Porn

Although this site is intended to help men who are struggling with sexual integrity, I thought it was important for readers to understand women also can have trouble dealing with sexual integrity. The usage of pornography among women is growing rapidly and with it an increase in the number of women who are becoming addicted. Here is one woman’s story toward recovery.

To my dear friends, family members, random readers, church leaders, loved ones of addicts and addicts…

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Please know that my story is a very personal one.  I do not share my story lightly and I admit I do have fears that there will be negative repercussions both for me but especially for my family.   But, I trust in the Lord and I continually find safety in the words of King David: “The Lord is on my side, I will not fear what can man do unto me.”  It has slowly been revealed to me over the past couple of years that it is my mission in life to spread hope to those who currently feel the shame that I have felt; who are bound by the chains of the adversary as I was and who feel totally and completely lost as I once did.  To you I say; you are not aloneThere is hope.  To the rest of you, if you have negative things to say, please just don’t.  My target audience is to spread hope to those who can relate to what I have to share and awareness to those who have loved ones that may be struggling, or just to those who want to hear a great story of how the Savior rescues and heals the broken. Continue reading “Women Also Struggle with Porn”