By Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CSAS
He is not doing enough,” exclaimed Susan speaking about her husband Artie who betrayed her with his numerous affairs and pornography use.
Her statement left me a little puzzled since I thought Artie had been doing well in his recovery. And from what I could see, Artie certainly had been doing everything that was asked of him. So, I asked Susan, “What do you need that he is not doing?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “But he is not doing enough.”
Then it hit me. “Are you saying he is not doing enough in his recovery or he is not doing enough to help your recovery,” I asked her.”
“It’s always about him,” she said as tears formed in her eyes. “What about me? When does he start to focus on how much I am hurting?”
Susan felt Artie was rushing her recovery and wanted her to “get over it” so they could return to their normal life. What Artie did not understand is they could not return to their former relationship. In Susan’s eyes that relationship didn’t work. And she was right. There was no going back. The only road to travel – if they were to remain together – was forward. Continue reading “Help Her Heal: Walk into the Fire”
You see an attractive person in public and your mind instantly starts lusting. What can you do to stop?
By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
The world is filled with beautiful people. There’s at least one attractive person everywhere you go. But for men and women struggling with sexual addiction, an attractive person can serve as a trigger and distraction from maintaining sexual sobriety. So how do you prevent yourself from lusting after attractive people without locking yourself away at home? The following are three healthy principles to follow when it comes to encountering an attractive person that allow us to keep our sexual thoughts from raging out of control.
1. Apply the ‘One Glance Only’ Rule
What can you do when an attractive person crosses your line of sight? Nothing! There is no sin in simply observing and noting the person is attractive. The problem begins when you go back for a second look and allow your eyes to linger and your mind to lust. As a pastor once told me, “The first look is free.” But that is where the looking should end. There should be no “second” looks. We need to take responsibility of our eyes so we don’t lust after others. While at first it is not easy to do, if practiced on a regular basis it becomes the norm for us. One look and one look only. Which leads us to: Continue reading “3 Things to Do When You See an Attractive Person”
By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
Quite often I am asked by one of my clients who abuse sex “what is the time frame for being cured?”. They are a little taken aback when I respond “never”. Their wives also are disappointed and worried when they hear this news.
However, it is not all bad news. Like any other addiction, the desire to abuse sex doesn’t evaporate into thin air after a man has done his work and followed a recovery program designed to achieve sexual integrity. And I do not need to tell you that sexual temptation loudly surrounds us.
In fact, there is really little escape from the endless imagines and triggers that engross us on a daily basis. That is why the focus of recovery needs to be not simply on changing our behavior but instead changing our hearts. A critical component of that change is realizing we could become vulnerable if we let down our guard. Read what the Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:12. Continue reading “Can Sex Addiction Recovery Be Permanent?”
Another Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and men are busy trying to determine the best gift to give to the special women in their lives. The array of ways to show you care is endless: jewelry, chocolates, flowers, brief getaway, cards, dinner, etc. The holiday serves as a wonderful way to celebrate how much we love our partner.
But then comes the day after Valentine’s Day.
That’s the day when all of the hoopla is just a memory. We will fall back into our routines and busyness. And many men will fall back into their lust for pornography.
Perhaps they had given it up for a day to focus on their wife or girlfriend. But now it’s the day after Valentine’s Day and time to return to the ugly habit that dishonors and objectifies women. It’s time once again to engage in selfishness that will break hearts if they should discover what takes place behind closed doors.
Maybe instead of a traditional gift this year, you should give your loved one a gift that demonstrates how much you respect her as woman. Commit to beginning the process of working on treating your addiction and removing it from your marriage or relationship. Honor the special woman in our life – which includes your daughter(s) – by taking that brave step of admitting you have a problem and doing something about it.
This Valentine’s Day give her the commitment of bringing purity back into your relationship. If you don’t know how to go about that visit http://www.SexuallyPureMen.com and read what is involved in the process.
This year give her a Valentine’s Day gift that will change yours lives forever. Give her a gift that will make the day after Valentine’s Day the start of something beautiful and meaningful in your relationship.
Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC is a licensed Christian counselor with a private practice in Marietta, GA. Feel free to re-post and share this article. You can read more of his thoughts at his blogs:
Looks like a government official is taking pornography seriously. Sen. Todd Weiler of Utah has introduced a state bill that would declare pornography a public health hazard. As you can imagine, the senator is getting a lot of grief from individuals who find nothing wrong with pornography and see it as “victimless”.
However, we know that is not the case. Pornography is responsibility for the exploitation of women; the objectification of women; the destruction of marriages; and for giving men a distorted view of sexual relations between a man and woman.
If there is no issue with pornography why do a large majority of men hide it? Why don’t they discuss it around the water cooler at work? Why not bring it up in small group discussions at church? But that is not the case. If they do share their lust for pornography with others it is often done online in chat rooms under false alias. Continue reading “Utah: Porn is a Bad”
The number one question I receive from a wife or girlfriend of a sex addict is “why did he do this to me?”. Women are baffled that men who claim they are in love can engage in sexual activity that demonstrates little regard for the them or the relationship.
So why do men lack sexual integrity. Is it simply that they are pigs? Are they completely self-absorbed and self-centered individuals who think only of their own gratification and needs? In some cases, that is definitely true. There are many men who were raised in environments in which they developed a sense of entitlement and focus mostly on the fulfillment of their own needs and desires. But not all men who suffer from sexual integrity issues can be lumped into this category. Continue reading “3 Reasons Why Men Lack Sexual Integrity”
What identifies you? Is it your job? Is it the college you went to? Is it your status in the community or church? Or perhaps it is something from your past. Maybe it’s an abusive experience that you replay in your mind again and again.
These tragic memories never seem to fade away but instead continue to haunt you until they become part of your internal fabric that you wear every day. Or perhaps it’s a series of lies you have come to believe that are part of your identity. Lies such as: “I’m not that smart.” “I’m not attractive.” “I am unlovable.” “I am worthless.” “People never like me.” Continue reading “Hello My Name is…”
Jack sat in my office crying. His 3-year marriage was falling apart as his wife threatened to file for divorce due to his continuous pornography addiction. “I can’t believe I am so close to losing the woman I love,” he told me. “But trying to stop looking at pornography is so difficult. I have no control over it.”
Jack was correct in recognizing that breaking an addiction to pornography is not easy. However, it was incorrect when he said “I have no control over it”. Each time Jack views pornography he makes a decision to remain enslaved to sin. He decides his need for self-centered pleasure is more important than his relationship with his wife or God.
For Jack to win his battle against pornography he needs to make a radical decision to stop being enslaved to sin and instead become enslaved to God. Continue reading “Enslaved to Sexual Sin or Enslaved to God?”
One of the most frequent comments I hear from a man who is suffering a sexual addiction is “I didn’t think I was hurting anyone”. Unfortunately, they could not be farther from the truth with their thinking.
Your sexual addiction not only hinders your ability to engage in healthy, emotional connection with your spouse or partner, but it also impacts others who you may never have considered.
Do you think your porn addiction has a negatively impacts the women who you are visually lusting after? It does. How? Because the women engaging in those activities are broken. Many are forced into this life. Others do it out of desperation. And still others believe they are worthless and their what they do with their bodies simply doesn’t manner anymore. Continue reading “Your Porn Addiction Hurt Others”