“I don’t know what you are so upset about. Every guy watches porn. It’s no big deal so why don’t you just leave it alone.”
I am blown away by the number of men I meet in my counseling practice who have uttered those words to their wives to justify their pornography addiction. In fact, many men believe watching pornography is as harmless as watching football. In their minds, since “every guy watches porn,” then it’s a harmless activity.
But they’re wrong.
Viewing pornography is far from harmless, especially to the emotional well-being of our wives. When we watch porn, we are sending extremely hurtful messages to our spouses.
While we may not intend to communicate self-worth eroding messages, nevertheless these messages are coming through loud and clear. Here are three of them.
Continue reading “3 Messages You Send Her When You Watch Porn”
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of objectifying is as follows: “to treat (someone) as an object rather than as a person” Now think for a moment if people started looking, referring, and treating you like an “object”? How do you believe you would feel? Insulted? Demeaned? Dishonored? Befouled? Humiliated? Tarnished?
How about outright pissed? You know you would be! So why then is it considered cool or even natural for us men to look upon women as playthings created simply for our own gratification? This type of behavior rings with an air of superiority, which we have no right to claim.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28,
There is no mistaking that men and women are different. However, they also are seen as equal in God’s eyes. And if the Creator sees them that way, then how can we not? There are many reasons why women are not sex objects and should not be treated as such. Let’s take a look at four. Continue reading “4 Reasons Why Women Are Not Sex Objects”
Readers, the following first appeared on the website ThePornEffect.com. It is a letter written by a young woman who spent time in the pornography industry. For those men – and even some women – who think there is nothing wrong viewing pornography, you need to read this.
Dear Porn User,
I want you to know that I don’t write this with any hostility to you. Maybe you watch porn but don’t want to. Maybe you watch porn and don’t want to stop. Either way, thanks for reading.
I was a “porn star” for only six months but featured in over twenty films. I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I’ve seen the reality of what the porn industry is really like. I think many people believe falsehoods about porn. Falsehoods which, if they knew them to be such, would probably try harder (or try at all) to stop watching porn. Continue reading “So You Think Women Enjoy Being in Porn? Think Again.”
During a recent marriage counseling session, a young wife said this to me after I discovered the husband enjoyed viewing pornography.
“I don’t see the big deal,” said Candy. “I think it’s something all men do. Besides, that’s not the reason we’re here. As we said earlier, we are having troubling connecting and I feel he is being very distant.”
Candy, like many other women, buy into the myth that there is nothing they can do to stop their husbands from watching pornography. They have been conditioned to believe that watching porn is as natural to men as leaving the toilet seat up. Continue reading “Should a Woman Ignore Her Man’s Porn Use?”
When a married man gets caught abusing sex, he is immediately faced with two serious challenges. The first is learning to overcome his sexual addiction and work to become a man of sexual integrity. The second challenge is starting to re-building trust with his wife. And for many men, that process can be more difficult than dealing with their own sexual indiscretion. Continue reading “Let Her Grieve Your Betrayal”
I can’t tell you how many times I have spoken to men who say “yeah, I look at porn but I don’t think I have a problem.” To them pornography and masturbation are something all men do and therefore not a big deal. What they fail to understand is that their engaging in pornography damages others as well as themselves.
So how do you know if you have a serious porn problem that requires professional help? Here are just three examples. Continue reading “3 Reasons Why You May Need Porn Counseling”
This is a great question and our author Kristen Clark does an excellent job answering it in an articled that appeared on the Covenant Eyes website. Pornography addiction is the result of deeply-rooted emotion issue(s) and/or trauma that have not been resolved. Entering into a relationship with a man that you know struggles with pornography is setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache until the day comes when he elects to get help (if that day comes). Continue reading “Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?”
You see an attractive person in public and your mind instantly starts lusting. What can you do to stop?
By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
The world is filled with beautiful people. There’s at least one attractive person everywhere you go. But for men and women struggling with sexual addiction, an attractive person can serve as a trigger and distraction from maintaining sexual sobriety. So how do you prevent yourself from lusting after attractive people without locking yourself away at home? The following are three healthy principles to follow when it comes to encountering an attractive person that allow us to keep our sexual thoughts from raging out of control.
1. Apply the ‘One Glance Only’ Rule
What can you do when an attractive person crosses your line of sight? Nothing! There is no sin in simply observing and noting the person is attractive. The problem begins when you go back for a second look and allow your eyes to linger and your mind to lust. As a pastor once told me, “The first look is free.” But that is where the looking should end. There should be no “second” looks. We need to take responsibility of our eyes so we don’t lust after others. While at first it is not easy to do, if practiced on a regular basis it becomes the norm for us. One look and one look only. Which leads us to: Continue reading “3 Things to Do When You See an Attractive Person”