He is not doing enough,” exclaimed Susan speaking about her husband Artie who betrayed her with his numerous affairs and pornography use.
Her statement left me a little puzzled since I thought Artie had been doing well in his recovery. And from what I could see, Artie certainly had been doing everything that was asked of him. So, I asked Susan, “What do you need that he is not doing?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “But he is not doing enough.”
Then it hit me. “Are you saying he is not doing enough in his recovery or he is not doing enough to help your recovery,” I asked her.”
“It’s always about him,” she said as tears formed in her eyes. “What about me? When does he start to focus on how much I am hurting?”
Susan felt Artie was rushing her recovery and wanted her to “get over it” so they could return to their normal life. What Artie did not understand is they could not return to their former relationship. In Susan’s eyes that relationship didn’t work. And she was right. There was no going back. The only road to travel – if they were to remain together – was forward. Continue reading “Help Her Heal: Walk into the Fire”→
This article first appeared in the online publication The Blaze.
A Christian counselor penned a piece for the XXX Church ministry this week to try and explain why so many people struggle to overcome porn addiction, calling it “heartbreaking” to see peoples’ “endless attempts to get sober only to succumb to temptation over and over again.”
Eddie Capparucci, who is a sexual addiction therapist based in Georgia, said in a piece titled, “Why Can’t I Quit Porn? Get to the Root,” that people need to get to the root of their addiction if they truly want to conquer it.
“At the heart of all addictions is emotional pain,” Capparucci wrote. “Addictive behaviors are used in an attempt to conceal the hurt we feel by serving as a distraction. And they do an excellent job keeping our emotional pain in check – for a brief time.”
But he said that once the “high” wears off, people find themselves back where they started. It’s a dynamic that Capparucci said many porn consumers might not realize is unfolding.
“Now you may be saying to yourself, ‘I don’t feel any emotional pain. I use pornography simply because I like it.’ This is not unusual. It tells me you have done an excellent job suppressing troubling emotions,” he continued. “In fact, you may have a difficult time in expressing any emotion beyond anger, happiness, or sadness.”
In the end, though, he said that there’s something “lying at the core” of a person’s addiction: the reason why they “abuse sex,” saying that there are many causes, including: a need for affirmation, entitlement, control, a thirst for attention, weakness, a failure to emotionally engage, and a variety of other potential factors.
In the end, Capparucci argues that “a key to freeing yourself from abusing sex is learning to identify and manage your emotional pain,” urging readers to use XXX Church’s “My Pilgrimage,” a program intended to help people combat porn addiction.
As TheBlaze previously reported, porn addiction has been a subject of increased discussion of late. In fact, top medical researchers explained earlier this month at a pastors gathering in North Carolina how pornography use physically affects the human brain, revealing information not well-known outside of the medical and scientific communities.
“Porn is all of the sex — without the body,” Dr. William Struthers, a professor of neuroscience and psychology at Wheaton College in Chicago, told TheBlaze. “It gives you every aspect of a sexual encounter without the physical touch or the smells.”
During his presentation at the event, dubbed “The Set Free Summit,” Struthers explained and elaborated on many topics, from how the human brain changes under repeated pornography use to how the brain naturally has its own “mirroring” effect to how natural bodily hormones — such as oxytocin — can bond a person to pixels on a screen.
Every year the conversation in our home surrounding what to sacrifice for Lent is pretty entertaining. Each individual throws out an idea, while other family members counter argue why they believe it is not a true sacrifice. It’s always the usual list including sweets, bread, or electronics. In reality, all are good ideas and serve the purpose of denying oneself over a period of 40 days.
Last year I proposed men make a sacrifice that could have long-term and healthy outcomes for themselves and their relationships.
Sometimes it is difficult to determine if someone is dealing with a sexual addiction. A man who views pornography a couple times a year may be acting inappropriately and hurting intimacy between him and his wife, but it doesn’t mean he is a sex addict.
A sexual addiction is diagnosed when sexual activity has a negative impact and effect on other parts of a person’s life including relationships, finances, health, safety, employment, and/or relationship with God.
The following is a brief assessment to help you get an initial read if you are indeed struggling with a sexual addiction. Check each one that applies to you.
Does your mind wander with sexual thoughts throughout the day?
Linda Egle first learned about the problem of sex trafficking in 2008. She had already been working with women in extreme poverty for years, but upon hearing of the enormity of the problem of trafficking, she wanted to get involved.
Soon after, Linda met our future partner who had established an anti-trafficking organization in Nepal. His goal was to stop girls from being trafficked into brothels in India and provide a safe place for victims of trafficking to live and heal. They formed a partnership and began to work together to put an end to the trafficking of Nepalese girls.Continue reading “The Red Thread Movement and Its Fight Against Sex Trafficking”→
It’s a frightening day for more than 800,000 users of the porn site Brazzers. Seems hackers got into the site and have uncovered and leaked user names, emails and passwords. This could be as embarrassing as the leaks that occurred with the Ashley Madison account last year.
Here’s the complete story from the Sept. 5 edition of The Sun.
It could end up being one of the most embarrassing leaks in the history of the web.
Adult site Brazzers confirmed that nearly 800,000 users’ details had so far been compromised.
According to Motherboard, the leak includes full emails, user names, and passwords. Matt Stevens, public relations manager at Brazzers, said: “This matches an incident which occurred in 2012 with our ‘Brazzersforum,’ which was managed by a third party.
“The incident occurred because of a vulnerability in the said third party software, the ‘Bulletin’ software, and not Brazzers itself. It could end up being one of the most embarassing leaks for many in the history of the web. “Brazzers takes the privacy and safety of its users very seriously”, he continued. Those who use the site have been advised to change their passwords and emails.
“Brazzers takes the privacy and safety of its users very seriously”, he continued. Those who use the site have been advised to change their passwords and emails.
“I don’t know what you are so upset about. Every guy watches porn. It’s no big deal so why don’t you just leave it alone.”
I am blown away by the number of men I meet in my counseling practice who have uttered those words to their wives to justify their pornography addiction. In fact, many men believe watching pornography is as harmless as watching football. In their minds, since “every guy watches porn,” then it’s a harmless activity.
But they’re wrong.
Viewing pornography is far from harmless, especially to the emotional well-being of our wives. When we watch porn, we are sending extremely hurtful messages to our spouses.
While we may not intend to communicate self-worth eroding messages, nevertheless these messages are coming through loud and clear. Here are three of them.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of objectifying is as follows: “to treat (someone) as an object rather than as a person” Now think for a moment if people started looking, referring, and treating you like an “object”? How do you believe you would feel? Insulted? Demeaned? Dishonored? Befouled? Humiliated? Tarnished?
How about outright pissed? You know you would be! So why then is it considered cool or even natural for us men to look upon women as playthings created simply for our own gratification? This type of behavior rings with an air of superiority, which we have no right to claim.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28,
There is no mistaking that men and women are different. However, they also are seen as equal in God’s eyes. And if the Creator sees them that way, then how can we not? There are many reasons why women are not sex objects and should not be treated as such. Let’s take a look at four. Continue reading “4 Reasons Why Women Are Not Sex Objects”→