He is not doing enough,” exclaimed Susan speaking about her husband Artie who betrayed her with his numerous affairs and pornography use.
Her statement left me a little puzzled since I thought Artie had been doing well in his recovery. And from what I could see, Artie certainly had been doing everything that was asked of him. So, I asked Susan, “What do you need that he is not doing?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “But he is not doing enough.”
Then it hit me. “Are you saying he is not doing enough in his recovery or he is not doing enough to help your recovery,” I asked her.”
“It’s always about him,” she said as tears formed in her eyes. “What about me? When does he start to focus on how much I am hurting?”
Susan felt Artie was rushing her recovery and wanted her to “get over it” so they could return to their normal life. What Artie did not understand is they could not return to their former relationship. In Susan’s eyes that relationship didn’t work. And she was right. There was no going back. The only road to travel – if they were to remain together – was forward. Continue reading “Help Her Heal: Walk into the Fire”→
Every year the conversation in our home surrounding what to sacrifice for Lent is pretty entertaining. Each individual throws out an idea, while other family members counter argue why they believe it is not a true sacrifice. It’s always the usual list including sweets, bread, or electronics. In reality, all are good ideas and serve the purpose of denying oneself over a period of 40 days.
Last year I proposed men make a sacrifice that could have long-term and healthy outcomes for themselves and their relationships.
Sometimes it is difficult to determine if someone is dealing with a sexual addiction. A man who views pornography a couple times a year may be acting inappropriately and hurting intimacy between him and his wife, but it doesn’t mean he is a sex addict.
A sexual addiction is diagnosed when sexual activity has a negative impact and effect on other parts of a person’s life including relationships, finances, health, safety, employment, and/or relationship with God.
The following is a brief assessment to help you get an initial read if you are indeed struggling with a sexual addiction. Check each one that applies to you.
Does your mind wander with sexual thoughts throughout the day?
It’s a frightening day for more than 800,000 users of the porn site Brazzers. Seems hackers got into the site and have uncovered and leaked user names, emails and passwords. This could be as embarrassing as the leaks that occurred with the Ashley Madison account last year.
Here’s the complete story from the Sept. 5 edition of The Sun.
It could end up being one of the most embarrassing leaks in the history of the web.
Adult site Brazzers confirmed that nearly 800,000 users’ details had so far been compromised.
According to Motherboard, the leak includes full emails, user names, and passwords. Matt Stevens, public relations manager at Brazzers, said: “This matches an incident which occurred in 2012 with our ‘Brazzersforum,’ which was managed by a third party.
“The incident occurred because of a vulnerability in the said third party software, the ‘Bulletin’ software, and not Brazzers itself. It could end up being one of the most embarassing leaks for many in the history of the web. “Brazzers takes the privacy and safety of its users very seriously”, he continued. Those who use the site have been advised to change their passwords and emails.
“Brazzers takes the privacy and safety of its users very seriously”, he continued. Those who use the site have been advised to change their passwords and emails.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of objectifying is as follows: “to treat (someone) as an object rather than as a person” Now think for a moment if people started looking, referring, and treating you like an “object”? How do you believe you would feel? Insulted? Demeaned? Dishonored? Befouled? Humiliated? Tarnished?
How about outright pissed? You know you would be! So why then is it considered cool or even natural for us men to look upon women as playthings created simply for our own gratification? This type of behavior rings with an air of superiority, which we have no right to claim.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28,
There is no mistaking that men and women are different. However, they also are seen as equal in God’s eyes. And if the Creator sees them that way, then how can we not? There are many reasons why women are not sex objects and should not be treated as such. Let’s take a look at four. Continue reading “4 Reasons Why Women Are Not Sex Objects”→
When a married man gets caught abusing sex, he is immediately faced with two serious challenges. The first is learning to overcome his sexual addiction and work to become a man of sexual integrity. The second challenge is starting to re-building trust with his wife. And for many men, that process can be more difficult than dealing with their own sexual indiscretion.Continue reading “Let Her Grieve Your Betrayal”→
I can’t tell you how many times I have spoken to men who say “yeah, I look at porn but I don’t think I have a problem.” To them pornography and masturbation are something all men do and therefore not a big deal. What they fail to understand is that their engaging in pornography damages others as well as themselves.
This is a great question and our author Kristen Clark does an excellent job answering it in an articled that appeared on the Covenant Eyes website. Pornography addiction is the result of deeply-rooted emotion issue(s) and/or trauma that have not been resolved. Entering into a relationship with a man that you know struggles with pornography is setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache until the day comes when he elects to get help (if that day comes). Continue reading “Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?”→
Great article by Garrett Kell on being upfront and transparent with our wives about the struggle of sexual sin. This article originally appeared on the website “For The Church’. Read and take the advice to heart. One of the biggest issues facing couples in this situation is the husband lacks the courage to be honest and open. It is a BIG mistake and only leads to further pain and mistrust.
You see an attractive person in public and your mind instantly starts lusting. What can you do to stop?
By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
The world is filled with beautiful people. There’s at least one attractive person everywhere you go. But for men and women struggling with sexual addiction, an attractive person can serve as a trigger and distraction from maintaining sexual sobriety. So how do you prevent yourself from lusting after attractive people without locking yourself away at home? The following are three healthy principles to follow when it comes to encountering an attractive person that allow us to keep our sexual thoughts from raging out of control.
1. Apply the ‘One Glance Only’ Rule
What can you do when an attractive person crosses your line of sight? Nothing! There is no sin in simply observing and noting the person is attractive. The problem begins when you go back for a second look and allow your eyes to linger and your mind to lust. As a pastor once told me, “The first look is free.” But that is where the looking should end. There should be no “second” looks. We need to take responsibility of our eyes so we don’t lust after others. While at first it is not easy to do, if practiced on a regular basis it becomes the norm for us. One look and one look only. Which leads us to: Continue reading “3 Things to Do When You See an Attractive Person”→