Tag: cheating

Give Up For Lent

By Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CCSAS

Every year the conversation in our home surrounding what to sacrifice for Lent is pretty entertaining. Each individual throws out an idea, while other family members counter argue why they believe it is not a true sacrifice. It’s always the usual list including sweets, bread, or electronics. In reality, all are good ideas and serve the purpose of denying oneself over a period of 40 days.No Porn Sign

Last year I proposed men make a sacrifice that could have long-term and healthy outcomes for themselves and their relationships.

“Give up Lust for Lent.” Continue reading “Give Up For Lent”

Porn Thrives in the Dark

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

Do you have a secret? If so, you have come to understand the best way to keep it a secret is to guard it. You must keep it out of sight from others so that no one ever discovers it. And what better place to keep it hidden than in the dark. 

Black silhouette of teenager sitting at the computer on blue bacThe dark is a wonder place for secrets because it’s difficult for people to see through darkness. Jesus knew this. 

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-20 

Pornography addicts hate the light because it’s impossible to act out when being exposed. They need the dark in order for their secret to remain hidden. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can manifest itself and become deeper and more intense. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can thrive and work to destroy the addict’s mind as well as relationships.

One of the first steps necessary to recovery is admitting we have a problem. And that requires taking our addiction out of the dark and exposing it to the light. You hate reading that don’t you? Come on admit it.

But if you want to be free of this 10-ton weight you are carrying you must expose it. We do that by finding a trusting friend or accountability partner. We join a support group in which we are surrounded by like-minded men who understand the struggles. We admit our sins to our wife or partner and ask for their support as we tackle what could be the biggest challenge we have ever faced.

Let’s go back to Jesus as he continues discussing the need to bring sin into the light. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” John 3:21 NLT

Doing what God wants. How different is that then simply indulging in our own selfish pleasures? Doing what God wants. Come out of the dark with your pornography addiction and start on the road of recovery today.

 

 

 

 

Stop Keeping Her in the Dark

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

Sitting on the couch in my counseling office, Sondra wore a blank expression on her face staring off into space but her mind was racing with thoughts about her husband Dennis. When I asked her what she was thinking about she quickly rattled off a list of worries and concerns. depressed-woman

“Why would he do this to our family?”

“What is going on in his head? Is he still thinking about them?”

“How do I know he will not do something like this again?”

“Is he learning anything about himself that will help him change?” Continue reading “Stop Keeping Her in the Dark”

Utah: Porn is a Bad

Looks like a government official is taking pornography seriously. Sen. Todd Weiler of Utah has introduced a state bill that would declare pornography a public health hazard. As you can imagine, the senator is getting a lot of grief from individuals who find nothing wrong with pornography and see it as “victimless”.   porn-issue_290_218_90[1]

However, we know that is not the case. Pornography is responsibility for the exploitation of women; the objectification of women; the destruction of marriages; and for giving men a distorted view of sexual relations between a man and woman.  

If there is no issue with pornography why do a large majority of men hide it? Why don’t they discuss it around the water cooler at work? Why not bring it up in small group discussions at church? But that is not the case. If they do share their lust for pornography with others it is often done online in chat rooms under false alias. Continue reading “Utah: Porn is a Bad”

3 Reasons Why Men Lack Sexual Integrity

The number one question I receive from a wife or girlfriend of a sex addict is “why did he do this to me?”. Women are baffled that men who claim they are in love can engage in sexual activity that demonstrates little regard for the them or the relationship.  man-in-dark[1]

So why do men lack sexual integrity. Is it simply that they are pigs? Are they completely self-absorbed and self-centered individuals who think only of their own gratification and needs? In some cases, that is definitely true. There are many men who were raised in environments in which they developed a sense of entitlement and focus mostly on the fulfillment of their own needs and desires. But not all men who suffer from sexual integrity issues can be lumped into this category. Continue reading “3 Reasons Why Men Lack Sexual Integrity”

Hello My Name is…

What identifies you? Is it your job? Is it the college you went to? Is it your status in the community or church? Or perhaps it is something from your past. Maybe it’s an abusive experience that you replay in your mind again and again. imagesC1X298BJ

These tragic memories never seem to fade away but instead continue to haunt you until they become part of your internal fabric that you wear every day. Or perhaps it’s a series of lies you have come to believe that are part of your identity. Lies such as: “I’m not that smart.” “I’m not attractive.” “I am unlovable.” “I am worthless.” “People never like me.” Continue reading “Hello My Name is…”

Stop Living in Sexual Darkness

Can you recall as a child being afraid of the dark? If you were one of those unlucky kids you can remember how frightening it felt when the lights went out and you tried to focus on going to sleep. But sleep was the farthest thing from your mind. Instead you were filled with thoughts of evil creatures and bad people that you thought were lurking around your room.   man-in-dark[1] Continue reading “Stop Living in Sexual Darkness”

Enslaved to Sexual Sin or Enslaved to God?

Jack sat in my office crying. His 3-year marriage was falling apart as his wife threatened to file for divorce due to his continuous pornography addiction.  “I can’t believe I am so close to losing the woman I love,” he told me. “But trying to stop looking at pornography is so difficult. I have no control over it.”  handcuffs-921290_1920
Jack was correct in recognizing that breaking an addiction to pornography is not easy. However, it was incorrect when he said “I have no control over it”. Each time Jack views pornography he makes a decision to remain enslaved to sin. He decides his need for self-centered pleasure is more important than his relationship with his wife or God.
For Jack to win his battle against pornography he needs to make a radical decision to stop being enslaved to sin and instead become enslaved to God. Continue reading “Enslaved to Sexual Sin or Enslaved to God?”

Your Porn Addiction Hurt Others

One of the most frequent comments I hear from a man who is suffering a sexual addiction is “I didn’t think I was hurting anyone”. Unfortunately, they could not be farther from the truth with their thinking.  woman-1006100_1280

Your sexual addiction not only hinders your ability to engage in healthy, emotional connection with your spouse or partner, but it also impacts others who you may never have considered.

Do you think your porn addiction has a negatively impacts the women who you are visually lusting after? It does. How? Because the women engaging in those activities are broken. Many are forced into this life. Others do it out of desperation. And still others believe they are worthless and their what they do with their bodies simply doesn’t manner anymore. Continue reading “Your Porn Addiction Hurt Others”

What are you Sowing?

Charlie got caught. And that is why he sits on my couch trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces of his life that he discarded through his selfish actions. The husband of 13 years and father of two had been carrying on a four-year affair with a co-worker. Several days ago, the co-worker’s husband found out and told Charlie’s wife. She has since kicked him out of the house and has retained a attorney to begin divorce proceedings.   alone-62253_1280

As you can imagine, Charlie is sadden and afraid. He doesn’t want to lose his wife. He doesn’t want to be a part-time father. He doesn’t want to live alone. But what Charlie is facing are the pending consequences of his actions. Continue reading “What are you Sowing?”