Category: Broken

3 Reasons Why You May Need Porn Counseling

I can’t tell you how many times I have spoken to men who say “yeah, I look at porn but I don’t think I have a problem.” To them pornography and masturbation are something all men do and therefore not a big deal. What they fail to understand is that their engaging in pornography damages others as well as themselves.

So how do you know if you have a serious porn problem that requires professional help? Here are just three examples.  Continue reading “3 Reasons Why You May Need Porn Counseling”

Should I Tell My Spouse about Struggles with Sexual Purity?

Great article by Garrett Kell on being upfront and transparent with our wives about the struggle of sexual sin. This article originally appeared on the website “For The Church’. Read and take the advice to heart. One of the biggest issues facing couples in this situation is the husband lacks the courage to be honest and open. It is a BIG mistake and only leads to further pain and mistrust. 

Continue reading “Should I Tell My Spouse about Struggles with Sexual Purity?”

Let Her Throw Rocks

Let Her Throw Rocks

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
One of the most tragic aspects of a sexual addiction is the emotional pain our insensitive and self-absorbed actions cause to our innocent partner. They are the unfortunate ones who get tangled in our web of deceit and are made to pay a large price for our destructive behavior. Rocks in bucket

It breaks my heart the first time a couple sits across from me in a counseling session and I listen to the wife or girlfriend describe her anguish and frustration in trying to understand why the man she thought loved her with all his heart could crush her world through his wicked infidelity. I see in their eyes their internal struggle to contemplate how they will ever be able to recover from the betrayal and learn to trust and love again. What makes it more heartbreaking is when they start to question what they could have done differently to prevent him from acting out. Continue reading “Let Her Throw Rocks”

Can Sex Addiction Recovery Be Permanent?

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

Quite often I am asked by one of my clients who abuse sex “what is the time frame for being cured?”. They are a little taken aback when I respond “never”.  Their wives also are disappointed and worried when they hear this news.

However, it is not all bad news. Like any other addiction, the desire to abuse sex doesn’t evaporate into thin air after a man has done his work and followed a recovery program designed to achieve sexual integrity. And I do not need to tell you that sexual temptation loudly surrounds us. jesuswithyou

In fact, there is really little escape from the endless imagines and triggers that engross us on a daily basis. That is why the focus of recovery needs to be not simply on changing our behavior but instead changing our hearts. A critical component of that change is realizing we could become vulnerable if we let down our guard. Read what the Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:12. Continue reading “Can Sex Addiction Recovery Be Permanent?”

Porn Thrives in the Dark

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

Do you have a secret? If so, you have come to understand the best way to keep it a secret is to guard it. You must keep it out of sight from others so that no one ever discovers it. And what better place to keep it hidden than in the dark. 

Black silhouette of teenager sitting at the computer on blue bacThe dark is a wonder place for secrets because it’s difficult for people to see through darkness. Jesus knew this. 

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-20 

Pornography addicts hate the light because it’s impossible to act out when being exposed. They need the dark in order for their secret to remain hidden. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can manifest itself and become deeper and more intense. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can thrive and work to destroy the addict’s mind as well as relationships.

One of the first steps necessary to recovery is admitting we have a problem. And that requires taking our addiction out of the dark and exposing it to the light. You hate reading that don’t you? Come on admit it.

But if you want to be free of this 10-ton weight you are carrying you must expose it. We do that by finding a trusting friend or accountability partner. We join a support group in which we are surrounded by like-minded men who understand the struggles. We admit our sins to our wife or partner and ask for their support as we tackle what could be the biggest challenge we have ever faced.

Let’s go back to Jesus as he continues discussing the need to bring sin into the light. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” John 3:21 NLT

Doing what God wants. How different is that then simply indulging in our own selfish pleasures? Doing what God wants. Come out of the dark with your pornography addiction and start on the road of recovery today.

 

 

 

 

Couples and Porn Don’t Mix

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

An article in the popular magazine Women’s Health outlined three reasons why couples should watch pornography together. Obviously, the writers and editors of Women’s Health don’t have a lot of experience in seeing how couples who watch pornography together can quickly see the erosion of their relationships.  

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Photo by Dreamstime.com

Carla and Jonah started counseling after she found sexually-graphic text messages that he had been sending to women he met in chat rooms. He would later confess to her that he had been having online sexual encounters with three different women in which he would masturbate while reading the erotic text they exchanged back and forward.  Continue reading “Couples and Porn Don’t Mix”

Shutting the Porn Window

A window of opportunity is a limited time period that allows us to engage in an opportunity or activity that is not available to us 24-7. Windows of opportunities come up often in the business world where executives must make snap decisions to engage or walk away from prospective deals.  open-window

Windows of opportunity also play themselves out with sexual addiction, primarily with the use of pornography and masturbation. Addicts are always looking for what I term “an open window” where they can act out without being caught. Continue reading “Shutting the Porn Window”

Stop Keeping Her in the Dark

By Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC

Sitting on the couch in my counseling office, Sondra wore a blank expression on her face staring off into space but her mind was racing with thoughts about her husband Dennis. When I asked her what she was thinking about she quickly rattled off a list of worries and concerns. depressed-woman

“Why would he do this to our family?”

“What is going on in his head? Is he still thinking about them?”

“How do I know he will not do something like this again?”

“Is he learning anything about himself that will help him change?” Continue reading “Stop Keeping Her in the Dark”

Women Also Struggle with Porn

Although this site is intended to help men who are struggling with sexual integrity, I thought it was important for readers to understand women also can have trouble dealing with sexual integrity. The usage of pornography among women is growing rapidly and with it an increase in the number of women who are becoming addicted. Here is one woman’s story toward recovery.

To my dear friends, family members, random readers, church leaders, loved ones of addicts and addicts…

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Please know that my story is a very personal one.  I do not share my story lightly and I admit I do have fears that there will be negative repercussions both for me but especially for my family.   But, I trust in the Lord and I continually find safety in the words of King David: “The Lord is on my side, I will not fear what can man do unto me.”  It has slowly been revealed to me over the past couple of years that it is my mission in life to spread hope to those who currently feel the shame that I have felt; who are bound by the chains of the adversary as I was and who feel totally and completely lost as I once did.  To you I say; you are not aloneThere is hope.  To the rest of you, if you have negative things to say, please just don’t.  My target audience is to spread hope to those who can relate to what I have to share and awareness to those who have loved ones that may be struggling, or just to those who want to hear a great story of how the Savior rescues and heals the broken. Continue reading “Women Also Struggle with Porn”

Am I Being Faithful to My Wife?

I received this question from a reader recently.

Eddie, I have been happily married for 13 years and my wife and I have sex approximately once a week. I also masturbate (without pornography) about two times a week. Do you believe I have a sexual integrity issue? 

From: Wanting to Honor Her Continue reading “Am I Being Faithful to My Wife?”