By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, C-CSAS
I often receive praise from clients for the success they accomplish in managing their Problematic Sexual Behaviors. This is especially true for those men who do inner child recovery work using my Inner Child Model. However, credit for learning to stay one step ahead of their destructive behaviors doesn’t belong to me. In fact, they are doing themselves a great disservice by not taking the credit for their sexual sobriety.
I only offer a solution called the Inner Child Model, which helps men identify Core Emotional Triggers developed during childhood that still haunts them today. Men are often unaware of these emotionally discomforting triggers that result in utilizing various sexual distractions.
But having a potential solution is not enough to ensure sobriety. So, what is the difference between a man who successfully manages his Problematic Sexual Behaviors and someone who cannot?
The guy who succeeds does the damn work.
You may ask, is it that simple? The answer is yes. The man who understands recovery is more than learning to manage destructive sexual behaviors approaches the healing process to transform himself and become the New Guy. He understands the foundation for real recovery is rooted in developing new attitudes and skills such as:
- Thrives to connect with others emotionally
- Being a giver instead of a taker
- Curiosity about others
- Not running away from emotional distress
- Not easily offended
- Practices Mindfulness
- Thrives for complete transparency
- Seeks to be vulnerable
- Expands his interests and passions
- Learns to value contentment
These are just some of the transformations that occur with those who do the damn work in recovery. The fundamentals of recovery are essential, including accountability software such as Covenant Eyes, supports groups, accountability partners, journaling, boundaries, etc. But these are only part of the overall solution for managing a sex or porn addiction. Drilling deeper and seeking a better understanding of “why” we think, act, and behavior can pay significant dividends in your recovery process.
But this requires individuals to do the damn work. But this is difficult because it is time-consuming, requires ongoing self-reflection, and an understanding that recovery goes far beyond removing destructive sexual behaviors from your life. It requires a commitment to become the New Guy.
It is extremely troubling to witness those individuals who cannot remain sober. To watch them struggle and see the troubles in their lives continue to compound is heartbreaking. But in every case, I can say if they had done the damn work, things might have been different for them and their loved ones.
If you are in recovery, make sure you are doing the damn work. If you do, your odds of success will increase dramatically.
Be notified of the publication of Dr. Capparucci’s latest book “Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots”. To be added to the list, reach out by email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Also check out “Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction” available on Amazon.