Do you have a secret? If so, you have come to understand the best way to keep it a secret is to guard it. You must keep it out of sight from others so that no one ever discovers it. And what better place to keep it hidden than in the dark.
The dark is a wonder place for secrets because it’s difficult for people to see through darkness. Jesus knew this.
“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-20
Pornography addicts hate the light because it’s impossible to act out when being exposed. They need the dark in order for their secret to remain hidden. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can manifest itself and become deeper and more intense. It is in the dark that a pornography addiction can thrive and work to destroy the addict’s mind as well as relationships.
One of the first steps necessary to recovery is admitting we have a problem. And that requires taking our addiction out of the dark and exposing it to the light. You hate reading that don’t you? Come on admit it.
But if you want to be free of this 10-ton weight you are carrying you must expose it. We do that by finding a trusting friend or accountability partner. We join a support group in which we are surrounded by like-minded men who understand the struggles. We admit our sins to our wife or partner and ask for their support as we tackle what could be the biggest challenge we have ever faced.
Let’s go back to Jesus as he continues discussing the need to bring sin into the light. “But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” John 3:21 NLT
Doing what God wants. How different is that then simply indulging in our own selfish pleasures? Doing what God wants. Come out of the dark with your pornography addiction and start on the road of recovery today.
An article in the popular magazine Women’s Health outlined three reasons why couples should watch pornography together. Obviously, the writers and editors of Women’s Health don’t have a lot of experience in seeing how couples who watch pornography together can quickly see the erosion of their relationships.
Carla and Jonah started counseling after she found sexually-graphic text messages that he had been sending to women he met in chat rooms. He would later confess to her that he had been having online sexual encounters with three different women in which he would masturbate while reading the erotic text they exchanged back and forward. Continue reading “Couples and Porn Don’t Mix”→
A window of opportunity is a limited time period that allows us to engage in an opportunity or activity that is not available to us 24-7. Windows of opportunities come up often in the business world where executives must make snap decisions to engage or walk away from prospective deals.
Windows of opportunity also play themselves out with sexual addiction, primarily with the use of pornography and masturbation. Addicts are always looking for what I term “an open window” where they can act out without being caught.Continue reading “Shutting the Porn Window”→
Sitting on the couch in my counseling office, Sondra wore a blank expression on her face staring off into space but her mind was racing with thoughts about her husband Dennis. When I asked her what she was thinking about she quickly rattled off a list of worries and concerns.
“Why would he do this to our family?”
“What is going on in his head? Is he still thinking about them?”
“How do I know he will not do something like this again?”
Eddie, I have been happily married for 13 years and my wife and I have sex approximately once a week. I also masturbate (without pornography) about two times a week. Do you believe I have a sexual integrity issue?
This is just one example of what our children are exposed to everyday by the media. What is the message they are receiving about women? And you want to know why there is a sexual integrity issue in this country.Continue reading “Commercial Objectification”→
Another Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and men are busy trying to determine the best gift to give to the special women in their lives. The array of ways to show you care is endless: jewelry, chocolates, flowers, brief getaway, cards, dinner, etc. The holiday serves as a wonderful way to celebrate how much we love our partner.
But then comes the day after Valentine’s Day.
That’s the day when all of the hoopla is just a memory. We will fall back into our routines and busyness. And many men will fall back into their lust for pornography.
Perhaps they had given it up for a day to focus on their wife or girlfriend. But now it’s the day after Valentine’s Day and time to return to the ugly habit that dishonors and objectifies women. It’s time once again to engage in selfishness that willbreak hearts if they should discover what takes place behind closed doors.
Maybe instead of a traditional gift this year, you should give your loved one a gift that demonstrates how much you respect her as woman. Commit to beginning the process of working on treating your addiction and removing it from your marriage or relationship. Honor the special woman in our life – which includes your daughter(s) – by taking that brave step of admitting you have a problem and doing something about it.
This Valentine’s Day give her the commitment of bringing purity back into your relationship. If you don’t know how to go about that visit http://www.SexuallyPureMen.com and read what is involved in the process.
This year give her a Valentine’s Day gift that will change yours lives forever. Give her a gift that will make the day after Valentine’s Day the start of something beautiful and meaningful in your relationship.
Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC is a licensed Christian counselor with a private practice in Marietta, GA. Feel free to re-post and share this article. You can read more of his thoughts at his blogs:
What happens when you are a pastor and you find yourself suffering with a sexual addiction? That is the story of Jason Mahr. Jason, with the proper help, fought and overcame his addiction. Currently he runs a ministry designed to help people become free of pornography, as well as restoring and rebuilding healthy relationships around them. Take a moment to read Jason’s story.
-Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
I get asked every day why I started Restoring Minds Consulting (www.restoringminds.org). The reason is very simple, but it isn’t easy or pretty. I used to be a pastor, doing youth ministry and other pastoral roles for the better part of the last 20 years.
If you think pornography is a teenager or adult problem think again. Our children are becoming exposed to sexual images and graphics at an age that is unthinkable. The following is an article written by best-selling author Kimberly Rae who also happens to be a concerned mom. Take a moment as she unveils 10 ways moms can protect their children from pornography.
American children begin viewing pornography at an average age of 11. More than 7 out of 10 teens hide their online behavior from their parents in some way. 35% of boys say they have viewed pornographic videos “too many times to count.” The average age for a boy to be exposed to pornography is 8. I would not have believed that had my husband not told me he was introduced to it by a schoolmate at age 9.
Looks like a government official is taking pornography seriously. Sen. Todd Weiler of Utah has introduced a state bill that would declare pornography a public health hazard. As you can imagine, the senator is getting a lot of grief from individuals who find nothing wrong with pornography and see it as “victimless”.
However, we know that is not the case. Pornography is responsibility for the exploitation of women; the objectification of women; the destruction of marriages; and for giving men a distorted view of sexual relations between a man and woman.
If there is no issue with pornography why do a large majority of men hide it? Why don’t they discuss it around the water cooler at work? Why not bring it up in small group discussions at church? But that is not the case. If they do share their lust for pornography with others it is often done online in chat rooms under false alias. Continue reading “Utah: Porn is a Bad”→